By the Christmas rockets' red glare

All is neither calm nor bright in the Holy Land this holiday season. Militants in the Gaza Strip have decided to renew their attacks on Israel. The military wing of Hamas, Izzedine Al Qassam claimed the attacks were to avenge the deaths of five of its own by the Israeli military. It seems that Hamas may have been using the recently expired six-month truce to improve it's striking capacity. Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas is hopeful that Egypt will be able to broker another cease-fire. Israel, for its part, seems to have opted for retaliation, killing a member of Hamas during an airstrike. However, the renewed fighting seems not to have stopped pilgrims from traveling to Bethlehem, which itself lies within the bounds of the West Bank. One thing is clear, the renewed fighting will not ensure Heavenly Peace within the bounds of the Holy Land this holiday season.

These shoes were made for throwin'

There was an Iraqi journalist who threw a shoe. T'was no ordinary shoe mind you, but a very special shoe. Two of them in a size 10. And away to the Lame Duck President they flew. But that's only where the story began for poor Muntader al-Zaidi. While he hasn't been seen publicly since the incident, it seems he is seeking the forgiveness of Prime Minister Nuri Kamal al-Maliki for his "ugly action." The correspondent for the TV channel in Cairo, Al-Baghdadiya, has become the talk of the government and the pride of Baghdad. He's even been offered a new job with a Lebanese television station "from the second he threw the shoe." Unless pardoned, as Maliki is under pressure to do, al-Zaidi could face up to 15 years in prison for the charge of "aggression against a president." That's a hefty penalty for the man who had to live with those shoes.

If the shoe hits

It's only the highest insult in the Arab world.

Staking her claim

Gov. Blag Dracul is facing another threat closer to home. Illinois Attorney General Lisa Madigan, the Vampire Slayer, is now calling for the Illinois Supreme Court to put a nail in the coffin of Gov. Rod Blagojevich claiming that his arrest on corruption charges makes him unfit to fulfill his duties as governor and to prevent him from doing anything else in the name of the state of Illinois. The governor’s chief of staff has quit his post and the Illinois General Assembly is considering impeachment proceedings. Captain Hope is conducting an unexpected Spainish inquisition of Camp Obama to make sure none of his Action Rangers is in any way tainted by Blagula. It seems that president-elect Barack Obama has spent a great deal of time and energy avoiding the bloodsucking vampire. Sources are reporting that the governor’s been engaging in a lot of praying as twilight falls on his Springfield regime. It’s unlikely that any amount of divine intervention is going to prevent Blagula from getting dusted by either Patrick Fitzgerald van Helsing or Madigan the Vampire Slayer.

Legal. Personal. Political

Despite returning to work after putting up $4,500 to get himself out of hock, Blag Dracul is facing mounting pressure to step down in the wake of influence peddling charges. It seems that Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich, had at least five candidates in mind for the U.S. Senate seat being vacated by Barack Obama, including himself. But it seems that Blagula has been shaking down others during his career as governor, including The Tribune Corp. One can hope that Patrick Fitzgerald will put a stake into this bloodsucking governor before he can strike again.